Thursday, June 16, 2016

Review: How It Feels To Fly

How It Feels To Fly by Kathryn Holmes
Publisher: HarperCollins
Release Date: June 14th, 2016
Source: Edelweiss
Date Read: 6/13/16 to 6/14/16
384 pages
Rating: 1/2


The movement is all that matters.

For as long as Samantha can remember, she’s wanted to be a professional ballerina. She’s lived for perfect pirouettes, sky-high extensions, and soaring leaps across the stage. Then her body betrayed her.

The change was gradual. Stealthy.

Failed diets. Disapproving looks. Whispers behind her back. The result: crippling anxiety about her appearance, which threatens to crush her dancing dreams entirely. On her dance teacher’s recommendation, Sam is sent to a summer treatment camp for teen artists and athletes who are struggling with mental and emotional obstacles. If she can make progress, she’ll be allowed to attend a crucial ballet intensive. But when asked to open up about her deepest insecurities, secret behaviors, and paralyzing fears to complete strangers, Sam can’t cope.

What I really need is a whole new body.

Sam forms an unlikely bond with Andrew, a former college football player who’s one of her camp counselors. As they grow closer, Andrew helps Sam see herself as he does—beautiful. But just as she starts to believe that there’s more between them than friendship, disappointing news from home sends her into a tailspin. With her future uncertain and her body against her, will Sam give in to the anxiety that imprisons her?

I received this ARC in exchange for an honest review. Quotes taken from ARC may or may not be in the published edition.

How It Feels To Fly is no easy read. It focuses on the struggle of anxiety, how it impacts life, and the process for treatment. As eye opening as this was however, I just do not think I was in the right mood for this.

Sam is an amazing ballerina, ready to start her summer intensive. But before she can begin, she attends treatment camp, to try and "fix" her anxiety about her weight and appearance. There, she meets a wide cast of characters that help her, even though at first glance it doesn't seem like it.

One of the greatest things about this novel is how it throws away all of your misconceptions when it comes to living with anxiety, and coping with it. For starters, the synopsis does not tell you the whole story, especially when it comes to Andrew. I will not spoil what happens, but I do have to say that I did not like Andrew one bit. Even though he may have had good intentions.


Then, there is Zoe, who is Sam's roommate at camp. I really could not tolerate her at all. First off, she did not want to be there, only signing up to go to get out of tennis. Second, she constantly teased the other campers. It made me mad. It just seems so destructive for her to be in another person's safe space. I couldn't fathom why she was allowed to stay for so long. Although to be fair, she does change through the novel. However she still has a long, long way to go.

It is clear to see that how much of an impact the anxiety has on Sam. The little voice in her head continuously tells her she's not good enough, not skinny enough, that everyone is looking at her and judging. Even though she may not have an eating disorder, she'd rather eat alone than let others see her eat.

The worst part about all of this, is what started it all. Ballet. Honestly, I might just avoid books about ballet altogether, because it makes me sick reading about it. I'm just going to assume that it really is true that fat girls are discriminated against. No wonder Sam had anxiety with her appearance, nearly everyone in her ballet group talked about her behind her back! I just...she went through some horrible experiences, and it just makes me rage. (And I felt the same with with Tiny Pretty Things. Do these things really happen in ballet?)


How It Feels To Fly really is an important read. Unfortunately I couldn't completely enjoy the novel because of how mad I was, leading me to even be mad at things I knew I would have enjoyed. Plus, this reminded me a lot of Paperweight, which also features a treatment camp but focused solely on eating disorders. 

Comments (14)

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I won this one not too long ago but honestly had no idea about it. It does sound like an important read but I will have to make sure I am ready and in the mood for it. Great review!
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1 reply · active 455 weeks ago
Yes you definitely have to be in the mood for this one! Thank you Grace!
I love these GIFs, especially the second one!

I just saw this one on GR the other day and sounded interesting; it's too bad it's anger-inducing. I always have trouble getting through a book too when the characters are so awful.
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1 reply · active 455 weeks ago
Yeah I seem to have that trouble a lot, and I still don't know whether that's a good thing (because it makes me feel something), or if it's bad, because then I don't enjoy the novel.
I feel like ballet is getting a bad rep. But at the same time, I don't know any better. I don't know anyone close enough to dispute such allegations. Black Swan certainly does not help. It's one of those unfortunate things that turns me off from reading anything related to ballet. Sigh.
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1 reply · active 455 weeks ago
Yes yes! I don't know anyone that does ballet, and no one has commented on it and discussed the rep, so it's just something I have to assume happens in the ballet world. Ugh.
Jazmen Greene's avatar

Jazmen Greene · 456 weeks ago

This sounds pretty okay, not too crazy but okay. I might check it out. I might not. I don't feel too committed to it.
1 reply · active 455 weeks ago
Hahahah yeah for me it was just another book, sadly.
Oh my gosh, I totally know what you mean about Paperweight! That book was absolutely gut wrenching and so dark and emotional. It definitely sounds familiar with the ballet angle as well. I don't know if I can read another one like this! Lovely review Val!
1 reply · active 455 weeks ago
Yeah Paperweight was one of those heavy reads I can take once in a long while. Thank you Jeann!
Omg please read Bunheads. It rocks. It's probably the only great ballet YA in existence. Lol my review of How It Feels To Fly is so mean, I feel horrible now. This book was so grating tbh, especially Andrew, the non-love interest. For real about Paperweight. It was such a heavy, heavy read.
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1 reply · active 455 weeks ago
I have now added Bunheads to my TBR. Hahah don't feel horrible! I'm pretty sure I would agree with everything in it (WHERE IS THE REVIEW BY THE WAY? On Goodreads? I stalked your blog and it's not thereeeee)

Yeah Paperweight was such a heavy read, definitely more so than this one.
Ooh I just finished this one a few days ago! I totally understand what you mean about being mad. I really didn't like Zoe and her horrible attitude either but I did like the rest of the characters. I did like Andrew but felt really uncomfortable about the developing "relationship" from the very beginning. I thought he was a decent guy though, especially with how he owned up to what happened. The book did remind me of Paperweight as well but I liked that it focused on other anxieties, rather than just eating disorders, making it more relatable to a bigger audience. Great review, Val!
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1 reply · active 455 weeks ago
Thanks Jenna! Yeah when I was reading about Andrew, so many flags were popping up. I was just glad that everything turned out okay. And yes I loved all the other characters :)

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